his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
