My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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