so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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