last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
