8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
