Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
