Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
