I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
