I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
