i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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