I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
