i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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