i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
