Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
