Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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