sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just invented taco cereal.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
