I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
