My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
