I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
