my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
