I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
