whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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