Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
