So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
