I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
