Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
