My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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