Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
