Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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