i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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