They should really pass out barf bags in church
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
high people should be assigned attendants
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize