fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
