So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
