so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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