Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
