I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I smell like Dick and happiness
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
