They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
