My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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