Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
