Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
