you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
