Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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