Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
