god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
