I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
