Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
organizing the empties. That sober.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
