i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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