I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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