Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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