I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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