Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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