You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
