so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
