We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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