Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
