If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
