he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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